So apparently fro-yo is having some sort of renaissance or something. Or at least it had its big comeback last year and I just missed it because I was too busy being pregnant and craving ice cream and BBQ (not together). All I know is that if I knew about Tuttimelon (we don't have Pinkberry up in San Francisco) when I was pregnant, I would have gained 100 pounds instead of 50.
Quite by accident I've become addicted to probably the biggest item on their menu: the Shaved Ice. I thought I was ordering the delicious and modest treat popularized on islands -- ice and syrup and possibly (if I'm lucky) ice cream as a base.
Me: Shaved ice, please.
Clerk: What flavors of fruit?
Me: Umm...for the syrup?
Clerk: Um...You can choose up to five fruits.
Me: For what?
Clerk: What?
Me: I'm sorry I don't understand what this thing is.
Clerk: You can have five fruits and pillows?
Me: What? I don't know what pillows are.
Clerk: (blank stare)
Me: (looking at the fruit toppings) Ok, I don't understand but how about pineapple, mango and strawberry.

After all that, I got a dessert worthy of some Discovery Channel special on the morbidly obese and their favorite snacks. For $5.95, I got a layer of shaved ice swimming in condensed milk, covered with "pillows" of mochi, served with up to five fruits and topped with yogurt.
I kid you not, I needed to use two hands to carry it out of the store. When my friend saw it, she seemed shock and uttered a "what the hell?" that was totally appropriate. As you can see from the photograph, it's crazy big. I had to ask the person that I was with to hold the thing so his big man hands would give it the accurate scale it deserved.
But this thing is good. So good that I risk total humiliation each time I get one. The thing is, I always share it with someone. I've never eaten it by myself. And no, Penelope doesn't count -- I share it with adults. But because the parking situation is so unpleasant at one of its San Francisco locations, I always have to run in while Ben drives around the block. So, each and every time I have to order this massive dessert by myself and then bring it to the car. Worse yet is that the Tutti Melon we frequent is in the Marina and all the girls there are skinny and, well, not me. I get the glances that say "oh my god, is she going to eat that by herself" Or, "I thought my kid-size yogurt was too big!!"
The second-to-last time I was there I said two words to Ben: Never again.
Yeah, second-to-last time is the punch line. The biggest punch line of all is that one's planning to open in Noe Valley.