For as long as I can remember, I've had this reccurring dream in which my house is threatened by fire or flood or some other sort of natural disaster and I have only minutes to gather up my prized possessions into one fairly small black hefty bag. Sometimes, in especially stressful situations I'm not even given a bag.
When I went down to Los Angeles last month to gather up the few belongings from my childhood home that I could logistically bring back to San Francisco, I was reminded of this dream. Of course, the black hefty bag was replaced by a Honda Civic and the threat of natural disaster was replaced by a looming escrow.
Obviously, I couldn't bring back everything that held a memory. And what I could bring, had to be small. As I sorted through what remained of my books and toys, I discovered my stacks of Highlights For Children, a magazine that played a prominent role in my life during the years of 1982 to 1988.
1988? Would that make me an eleven year-old kid reading Highlights? Yes. And alas, that is a different story.
While paging through the old issues, I found myself searching for each instance of everyone's favorite feature, Goofus and Gallant. With scissors in my hand, I snipped each strip out and placed them in a folder bound for our apartment. While I sat cutting and reading, reading and cutting, I began raising some important questions.
First, are Goofus and Gallant brothers? Or, as Ben suggested, are they the same person being portrayed in parallel universes? Is the flip of Goofus's bangs supposed to indicated something sinister? Or, is it simply the key to the mystery? In some panels, Goofus and Gallant are shown interacting with identically drawn parents. But, if they are brothers, where are all Gallant's Goofus-imposed bruises?
What we know: Goofus and Gallant are obviously presented as morality and etiquette lessons. We're supposed to follow the example that Gallant sets, and live our child lives in as non-Goofus of a manner as possible. However, I can not imagine any child, without parental guidance, reading the panels and not being inspired in the slightest by Goofus's antics. I for one, seem to recall learning a great deal from Goofus. He taught me lessons in negotiating, communication, conservation and sharing responsibilities.
Gallant, on the other hand was the sort of kid who'd remind the teacher that she forgot to assign homework. Sure, he was nice to small children and old people, but he was still a bit of a sycophant -- always trying to win points with his parents and his parents' friends. I mean, really, how removed from childhood was Gallant that he could find himself uttering these words in this situation:
And look at the face on Gallant in this scene. Could that face be dripping with any more pretension? And, once again it's aimed to please his mother. And what is she serving the family? It looks a bit like a hedgehog's skeleton. At least Goofus is in touch with his feelings.
But no matter how many times I found myself nodding in agreement with the wisdom of Goofus and rolling my eyes at the Gallant approach to life, Goofus would do some totally inexcusable action that would show just what an asshole he really was.
And then, being like Goofus didn't seem so cool.
I spent some time today thinking about whether I was really, truly shaped by Goofus. Echoing through my head as I threw my clothes on the floor and pretended not to hear Ben was the singular question: "Am I Goofus? Am I Goofus?"
When I asked Ben his opinion on the big question, he laughed and quickly replied "Um, yeah. You're totally Goofus. But that's fine with me."
It's because Ben is Gallant.
And then it all makes sense.
Goofus and Gallant are probably really brothers and Gallant only puts up with all of Goofus's shit because he loves him and understands that Goofus is really tortured and probably has a bad self-image or something. And, Goofus doesn't seriously injure Gallant because he respects him and wishes he could be a better person.
Or maybe I'm just projecting a bit.
