It makes you laugh, it makes you cry.

I couldn't resist posting this rather entertaining piece of spam that I received today:

From: ()
Date: Fri Jul 05, 2002 08:47:31 PM US/Pacific
Subject: Time Travelers PLEASE HELP!!! 5115

Hello,

If you are a time traveler or alien and or in possession of government or alien technology I need your help! My entire life and health has been messed with by evil beings! If you have access to the carbon copy replica model #50 3000 series, the dimensional warp, temporal reversion or something similar please reply! I simply need the safest method of transferring my consciousness or returning to my younger self with my current mind/memory.

I need an advanced time traveler to work with who can help me, I would prefer someone with access to teleportation as well as a variety different types of time travel. This is not a joke! I am serious! Please send a separate email to me at ...

Thanks

—

The funny thing is, I really want to help this guy out.

Comments

[meryl]

Ha! Nick got the same letter. I didn't get one -- I guess I'm too alien-like. ;)

[denise]

this has been going around for a while. cory's friend joey has this response:

http://www.kode-fu.com/shame/2001_12_09_archive.shtml

it's pretty hilarious!

[solonor]

I'll take 100 of those type compared to the "Give me $10,000 and I'll share my family's diamond horde with you" ones. Actually, even that's better than most...

[Jeff]

I think I may know of a Nigerian teleporter who wants to share his millions with me...

[Neal]

I received two of these today. I did a google search for some of the key phrases ("time traveler or alien and or in possession of government or alien technology") and came across your site along with a couple of others. I can't find any that explain what this guy's story is.

[Rasmussen]

I sent him a copy of Joey deVilla's very humorous reply. Will let y'all know what he replies back.

[Rasmussen]

I sent him a copy of Joey deVilla's very humorous reply. Will let y'all know what he replies back.

[ik]

I too did a google search to get some background on this (and wound up here) as it has been going around for a while, but today was the first I'd received my very own copy. I don't know what the deal is, but I can't help but to forward it to some friends that would appreciate the humor - who knows, they might know someone with a carbon replicator....

[ming]

I've recieved a lot of these over the past few months.
At first, it seemed to go to a few people who are
high profile in the hacking community - I got it when it
was sent to several people involved with planing the Defcon
convention. Now, it seems to be sent with full-scale
spamming software, sorted by domain, and carrying
mutation numbers in the subject line
to confuse spam blockers.

The e-mails are not all the same. Some refer to specific
aliens such as Tramfaldorians out of literature and movies, and some
don't. Has anyone collected these? I wish I had.

It's possible it is a marketer trying to build a "high gullability"
list, but I think there's just too much pathos in it...

-ming@exo.com

[ming]

I've recieved a lot of these over the past few months.
At first, it seemed to go to a few people who are
high profile in the hacking community - I got it when it
was sent to several people involved with planing the Defcon
convention. Now, it seems to be sent with full-scale
spamming software, sorted by domain, and carrying
mutation numbers in the subject line
to confuse spam blockers.

The e-mails are not all the same. Some refer to specific
aliens such as Tramfaldorians out of literature and movies, and some
don't. Has anyone collected these? I wish I had.

It's possible it is a marketer trying to build a "high gullability"
list, but I think there's just too much pathos in it...

-ming(at)exo.com

[ming]

sorry about the double post... I got an error.

[Tom Working]

This guy just wants an existential handout.

[Olga]

I have a theory that it's someone sending out a secret code via spam a l a http://www.spammimic.com/... however, since I'm cryptographically challenged, someone else will have to figure out what this guy is REALLY trying to tell us.

[Bean]

here is some IM correspondence with this guy:
Krypton42: I got your e-mail. Who told you?
Dragonball03: nobody i did a random emailing
Krypton42: Yeah but you said something cryptically that very few people know.
Krypton42: Are you fucking with me? Only 4 people know about their existence
Dragonball03: no, what did I say??
Krypton42: You tell me before I disclose.
Are you a government agent? or any other law enforcement personnel?
Dragonball03: no sir I am not
Krypton42: any relationship with ANY local state or federal agency?
Dragonball03: no
Krypton42: I need an affirmative statement to that affect
Dragonball03: i do not believe i sent you my full ife story, i am serious, I need your help
Krypton42: Just as I thought, another g-man trying to foil my research. Well, Mr. Government Agent it ain't gonna work this time. I am not going back to Jail. And you can tell that to Mr. Morgan too. Have a good day!
Krypton42: Do you work for the Chinsese Gov't?
Dragonball03: honest to god, i am not a government I am serious, I will be glad to prove it any way i can
Dragonball03: name a way though
Krypton42: How far are you from Roswell?
Dragonball03: I am from Burlington MA
Krypton42: My "lab" is outside of Roswell, NM. Can't disclose anymore details till I verify your security level
Dragonball03: I simply need the safest and most effective possible way of returning to my younger 4 year old self permanently with my current mind/memory so that I can prevent the evil beings from messing with my entire life and health again. They have messed with my life and health in the worst possible way you can imagine, and now I
Dragonball03: am dying of CJD. I hope you might be able to help me with the type of time travel I speak of, be it a consciousness transfer with either the brain snapshot device, the carbon copy replica model # 52 4350 series, the diamond imprint method, or the dimensional warp, or temporal reversion
Krypton42: Are you familiar with the Orlando refractory incident?
Dragonball03: i cannot say i am
Krypton42: Something you should know. The "powers that be" are trying to suppress this incident. If you do you homework, it will provide you some clues. I don't know who you are, so |I cannot say much
Dragonball03: yes I understand, But I truly hope to work with you, I really am serious, and need your help
Krypton42: Do you homework and you will figure out who I am.
Space travel does exist. The speed in nano-seconds can circumvent and inhibit the time process. If used properly, our studies of alien crafts reveal a past that lies in the future. Events that "have" occurred, but yet to occur on the orb known as earth. Very telling work
Dragonball03: The universe as we know it follows a pattern. The pattern can be explained
as such: A butterfly flaps his wings in Austraila, and a Hurricaine hits the Gulf of Mexico.
The makers of our universe, have a set of rules that our universe follow. Everything is made up of energy,
Dragonball03: there is a system for how that energy flows, is created and used. Our universe can be compared to a huge video game, everything in it was created by "universe programmers". Our perception of reality is exactly what
is told to us via our sensual input devices... (senses). This "god code" is everywhere.
Dragonball03: There had been a lot of papers written over the years about a possible pattern within the mathematical code 3.14... During this I uncovered something amazing, a pattern. It was being created with an extremely complex algorhythm for chaos simulation. Taken to infinitum it could produce patterns! After several more months of crunching code, I discovered something surreal. I had discovered another entire language! A
Dragonball03: language that was written with four bits instead of our binary two computer bits. This code operated in three dimensions accounting for not only X, and Y, but also Z space!
Krypton42: What frequency modulator are you using?
Dragonball03: Inlet in this code is a new language with entire programs. Just like a computer program! with the ability to outline genes, gravity, light raytraycing, and it was all computed in real time! All that we know to exsist, can be broken down to a simple pattern that few beings can create, edit
Dragonball03: even delete. All on Gods hard drive! I have been in contact with these beings!
Dragonball03: no this is one who I have been into contact with that could edit the code
Krypton42: I think the gov't just tapped my line (again!) I gotta run

[Saint Aardvark the Carpeted]

I've got this a couple times, and collected a copy from the hostmaster at the ISP I work at. You can see the copies I've had at: http://saintaardvarkthecarpeted.com/psychoceramics.

[Punchy]

Hey everyone. Glad to hear I'm not the only one puzzled by Mr. Time Traveler. I got his email (sent out on a bulk email list he got from bulkbarn.com) just the other day. I've been playing along with him just to see what the hell it is that he's up to. After a few emails, it seems he desperately wants to get back to age 4. I don't think I've ever encountered anyone so diligent about their pyschosis before. This all should be fun. I'm going to see how far our boy will go... Will he, at my request, get a colonoscopy to ensure govt. agents haven't implanted a homing device up his ass? Do you think he'll actually send me X-rays of his entire torso to prove he is in fact a human? How about depositing $10,000 in an off-shore bank acct. for a carbon copy replica model #524350? If so, we're all going to Vegas - my treat. I'll keep you all posted.

[Adam Kalsey]

Mena, you really ought to turn on TrackBack for old entries...

http://kalsey.com/2003/07/interdimensional_spam/

This guy is at it again. Yesterday he spammed people looking for a dealer in dimensional warp generators. Preferably in the NY area. I suppose that's good, since if there is anyone claiming to sell time travel equipment, they're probably in NY.

[mojokitten]

He shoulda checked eBay (this is almost off the site) - you can get anything there: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3033452029&category=294