If I told you I hated you, would you hold it against me?

I'm beginning (beginning?) to become quite annoyed with myself.

Just why can't I speak in front of large numbers of people without sounding like a (1) blubbering sentimental fool or a (2) the most pathetic non-adult ever?

And really, I'm not that sweet.

A combination of nerves and an already wavering/high speaking voice is apparently endearing.

Now, I'm thinking that if I'm going to be truly sucessful with my lovable loser persona, I should really go all out. I'm thinking about breaking one of my limbs and perhaps walking around with a sick Golden Retriever.

Or maybe, I'm just going to balance out the past couple days by becoming increasingly belligerent. If I begin heckling panelists then perhaps I'll shake my sickingly sweet reputation.

If I was to kick you upon introduction, you really wouldn't think that I was that cute?

Comments

[resonance]

When I was introduced to a friend's six year-old cousin, she said "Hi, my name is Maia!" Then, still smiling, she punched me right in the nuts.

Doubled over, I replied, "Hi, Maia, nice to make your acquaintance!" She giggled and ran off.

Despite the pain, it was in fact cute (more so in retrospect). Maybe she had the 6-year old thing working for her. I doubt it'd be cute if an adult did the same thing.

You can, by the way, always follow up the introductory kick with, "and the humidity in Texas makes my leg twitch. Violently."

[Ed]

Like it or not, Mena, people will perceive you for what you write or blog about. And there is little to nothing that you can do about it. Case in point: for whatever reason, a good deal of people seem to think that I'm a chronically angry, duplicitous asshole, when this is actually quite far from the case.

The solution here is to just accept any kudos directed your way with a quiet gratitude and just be yourself. That's why we all read your blog. Personally, I'd hate to see anything you do compromised because of concerns over what everybody thinks.

[Robert]

Presentation isn't all that matters. It's really only important to animals and the clueless masses. You probably don't want either of those to be a deciding factor in what makes you you. If people really care, they'll listen (and decipher, if necessary) and they'll understand. We're all regular folks and assume that you're really no different.

Here's a tip about maintaining any sort of persona: Don't. It's not you, only an image of you.

And of course, it depends on where you land that kick.

[lisel]

Given your descriptions of yourself, you would probably kick, miss, and do some sort of cute and endearing backflip.

[Pandora]

Hey, it can be tough to drive home a serious point when your voice is wavering up and down the scale or the audience is fixated on some non-adult aspect of your persona. Use humor, we know from your blog you've a sharp wit, so combine it unexpectedly with the quirks you display when you are "on display"; maybe the audience will go "hmmm..." and generate a new thought or two. BTW, that sticky feeling on your paws is probably from the mineral content of Austin's water. The water does strange things combined with soap and shampoo also. You eventually adjust to it...

[DW]

Respectfully, I've always thought of you as one badass bitch, certainly not sombody to be messed with.

[DW]

oh, and by the way, 'a day late' is, like, eleven days late.

[Daniel Talsky]

I'm glad you're taking up this 'kicking' policy POST-meeting-me.

[liz]

i totally understand. people have this impression of me that i'm all sweet and cute and stuff, meanwhile i'm plotting their death in my head.

they say, "you look so cute when you get mad!"...wtf is that!?

one of these days i'm going to go postal...wonder if they'll think i'm cute then.

[jeremy w]

Don't worry about it -- I did a panel at SXSW in '98 and I felt the same way about my performance. Afterwards, I thought of about a million better, more accurate things I could have said, but you know what? It was mostly my own perception. Everybody that came up to me afterwards said I did a great job and they were thankful for my input. So, just keep this in mind. They don't know what you know and if you only say one thing they won't know about all the other things you could have said. They'll think you did just fine.

[Billy]

I've always liked a girl that could kick my ass.

[Patrick]

BTW Mena - CONGRATULATIONS FOR THE WIN AT SXSW!!! Way to go!

[Don]

Mena,
It is normal to feel unconfortable when speaking to a large number of people. As you give more speeches, you will get better at it.

[Kiffin]

...and despite being so annoyed with yourself you went out and landed a prestigious SXSW award for best weblog, not a bad combination, not bad at all...

[Darryl]

... I'd rather feel like a blubbering sentimental fool than the jittery freak I am. ;)

[Sheri]

I always take a kid-sized carton of milk to the podium with me. The kind that we drank in the cafeteria. Then I take a sip before I begin speaking. It makes people laugh and it gives me a second to catch my breath. When I start feeling nervous, I take another sip from the milk carton. I've done this in front of extremely large audiences. Now everybody thinks that I love milk.

[Jeff]

Hello, thanks for the critique on Tuesday's panel.

[Kevin]

Sandra Bullock made some second-rate action movies to shake her sweetheart reputation. Maybe worth a try.

[Mike]

Yeah, but didn't that strategy backfire really badly for Meg Ryan?

[Kevin]

Meg who? Oh, I guess you're right.

[John Waterman]

As a historic professional nice guy and drama queen I can vouch for that the transformation from a naive child-in-a-man's body to a more witchy, bone-eating persona has been and is infinitely worthwhile.

I don't know if you're into reading dead trees but try to get hold of a small book called "The Little Book on the Human Shadow" by R.Bly.

All best...John

[Maggie]

I have the opposite problem. People think I'm scrappy, but I'm actually pretty sensitive. That leads to confusion when a friend says something mildly thoughtless and looks over to find me tearing up. The girls with curly hair wish it were straight, the girls with straight hair...