Cry Me a River.

It wasn't easy, but I believe that this move may have actually broken my will, soul or any part of my psyche which allows me to function on a daily level.

Well, maybe it was easy, since a task like making toast can send me into a crying fit.

So, there's the couch. It was only a year old and we loved it. It was comfortable, large and relatively inexpensive. We based our entire living room around that couch.

It didn't fit up the stairs on the day of the move so the movers returned with two more guys to hoist it up the balcony.

Two hours and two hundred dollars later, the couch was jammed in our bedroom doorway. Fifteen minutes later, our best couch ever was on the road back to Petaluma -- to Ben's parents' house.

I know what you're thinking. "So, your couch doesn't fit? Get over it!"

And I say, I can't help but sweat the small stuff. Add enough small stuff together and you get really large stuff.

Large stuff like my fear of flying.

We leave for Texas tomorrow morning. And, my fears (and nightmares) have become so distracting and tormenting that I actually tried to cancel our trip yesterday.

I've reached the point where instead of saying "we're flying for Texas on Friday," I say "God willing, we won't die on Friday."

On the bright side, I have discovered a whole set of new time-wasting activities. These include:

1. Staring.

2. Pacing.

3. Rocking.

4. Kicking moving boxes.

I'm a bundle of fun.

Comments

[Jennie]

I'm sorry :-(

If I lost my couch (one of my favorite things ever), I'd be depressed, too. Maybe you'd feel better if you read about our horrible cross-country moving experience. After the move, it took a month to get our furniture (including bed). Certain people came very close to death those two months...

I did the first-flight thing last year (the first day airports were operating at all after 9/11 - still can't believe we went through with it. Though I was plenty scared before any of that happened), and sympathize. Tell Ben to wear arm guards.

[slack]

Must ...get...out...of...house....Must...open door...and...leave. Stuff all closets with as many boxes as they will hold and RUN.

Drink a lot of alcohol and eat food that is bad for you. Mexican or Chinese perhaps...Or just pub food will do.

Don't worry about the couch.

Perhaps there's a lost couch ranch in Petaluma where it could stay with other homeless couches or something. Meet some cute automan...settle down and have a few matching love seats. The couch might be very happy there...

I have no real suggestions about flying. (wish I did) other than drink a lot. A LOT. It doesn't really help with the fear but at least your drunk. :-)

Good luck.

[alan]

I like that "lost couch ranch" idea. Sort of like a no-kill shelter for sofas.

[Robert]

When we flew out to L.A. last year, I had to be the one to keep my wife under control during the flights back and forth. There were many hand-clenchings for those couple of hours, because frankly, nasty turbulence makes for nasty words.

Here's hoping Ben is strong enough for both of you. Not to offend, but I'm positive that it's okay to be afraid of flying.

And, if there is one, it might help to watch the in-flight movie, even if you've already seen it. Distraction is the key.

[Sara]

Man, I am really sorry I was one of the many who told you that you really really ought to fly. I hope you forgive your readers.

:)

Good luck, take a sedative, get some sleep.

[sparky]

KLONOPIN!
All it does it help you relax, but it doesn't make you sleep.
Oh, you really should have gotten some...! If I lived closer, I'd run some over right away. It would help you today and tomorrow.

[Dinah]

It'll be okay. Just remember you're in good hands and safer in the sky than on the road. But really, the advice of distracting yourself is the best. I'm dubious about the drinking idea a) it dehydrates you and b) alcohol is a depressant. Perhaps get a really captivating book on tape and a sleep mask and just zone out through the whole flight.

What time do you arrive? I'd love to meet up with you if we're getting in around the same time.

[Richard]

I have just stumbled into your blog here and am struck by the fact of your move. Do I understand that you have moved from SF to somewhere in Texas? My wife and I, in just about 11 days, are moving from Orlando - where we have been for nearly two miserable years - back to Oakland, CA. from whence we came. We are doing the move oursleves due to cost considerations, we'll be driving a 24' truck, our car dragging along behind it. Oh well, good luck with your relocation! My condolences about about the couch. . .

[Eamon]

FYI, if the couch is a relatively modern one, some schmancy furniture stores have a service where they'll actually rip the seams and saw the main supports in half so you can get it upstairs. Then they'll restore the piece once it's in your living room. The operation is pricey, but some friends of mine did it for their favorite couch.

[nicole]

When I last flew to Portland, I was certain I was going to die. To make matters worse, this woman made me watch her luggage (after getting searched, of course) while she went to get a cup of coffee. I could have said "No, I don't want to watch your possibly dangerous carry-on," but instead, petrified by fear, I said nothing while she casually walked away. She came back, and everything was fine. Nothing blew up, and we had a nice chat that made me feel better.
I felt better until I got on the plane and realized a yuppie family with a baby had stolen my seat: they also took up most of the aisle I was in, making horrible baby noises at their infant.

So I figure if I lived through it, you can. Really, I believe you will be fine. And one of my best friends thinks that if someone just tells you that it'll be okay, it really will be. Just get to the airport in a good mood, keep your mind on other stuff, and you'll be fabulous. You are going to SXSW!! By the way, I don't know if they still sound like it, but the Dears (from Canada) used to be very Pulp-y sounding. Nice organ parts and dramatic vocals. I don't know when they're playing, but they'll be there.

[Joel]

Why Texas? Where in Texas? Why now, in the middle of a move and when you are about to release another version?

It sounds like you are going to over-cook yourselves.

[Jodi]

One day, when confronted with a load of socks to be folded, I started sobbing, then crying, then wailing quite inconsolably over the enormity of the task. Certainly the folding was "small stuff" that "shouldn't" have been sweated, but hey, it *was*, and I *did*.

Another time, after that, when I moved from Philadelphia to Manhattan, and the movers brought our stuff up FIVE FLIGHTS (69 steps) without an elevator, I was astounded not only by their strength (and they were two rather unimposing-looking Israeli boys) but by their ability to hoist all of my stuff without complaining. In fact, they were actually SMILING and LAUGHING. I was unable (unwilling, too) to do either. Later, while unpacking everything (I won't even go into THAT now -- suffice it to say that I wound up throwing away stuff just because I didn't want to put it away and then hating myself afterward, and the entire time I unpacked I was cursing violently), I saw that my vanity, which I absolutely loved and which I had actually painted and "restored" (if you only knew me, you'd know how amazing that alone is), was BROKEN and could not be repaired. In addition, a gorgeous tile that I bought in Portugal years ago was smashed to pieces.

I also realized, much later, that I had left behind a few things in the old apartment. They were "just" cookie sheets and a few cast-iron pots, but they meant a lot to me.

So ... anyway ... what's the point of this? I don't know. I just think you need to know that there are people out here who understand the whole couch thing. I'm one of them. I feel for ya, kiddo. :0)

[Gerette]

We moved into our house five months ago and it took at least two months for recovery. The worst moment was carrying some trash onto our apartment balcony to get it out of the way, noticing that an old tablecloth had fallen off the balcony table and was in the corner, picking it up, and shaking out a wasp's nest. Getting stung for the first time in your life and having it be nine times on the day that you're moving--the worst moment of the move. After that, it had to get better.
BTW, look into the couch knockdown idea. We have a friend here in DC that does it for a living. Sorry he's not in SF.

[Ed]

Mena: Keep in mind that the couch is just an item. It can be replaced with another one. Look at it this way: has Ben been lodged in the bedroom doorway, with mouth manacled and arms pinioned? Have you paid $200 to move Ben into the new place, only to have him shipped back to Petaluma? Not at all. And he's downright irreplaceable.

However, it's also worth noting that, invariably, the human mind is drawn to fretting over random objects or trifling possessions when butterflies flurry about in the stomach on more pressing matters. It sounds to me like you're nervous as hell about SXSW more than anything else. I don't know what I can say to convince you that a fanged beast jutting his head from the waters of the River Styx won't nab you in the dark. But you're going to have to trust me on this one. It WON'T happen. SXSW will be fun and very beneficial for you and Ben. Hell, I wish I could go.

[Todd]

You are definitely burning out. Been there done that.

I must say that I was quite amazed by the sheer amount of work you were putting into *ahem* when you were in the middle of moving. I know when I moved, I shut down my Mac for two weeks, told all my clients they could phone me but that I couldn't accept any new work or return emails for at least a couple of weeks. Everyone understood, and I kept my sanity.

You on the other hand seem to be trying to accomplish "it all" during a very, very stressful time. Some people embrace the thrill of moving, of new surroundings, of strange smells and surprises. Great for vacations, but not in my personal life. Sounds like you are the same way.

Also, consider this. Downsizing, which it sounds like you are between the bathrooms and the couch, can be very beneficial. Unless you're one of those people who just loves tons of stuff laying around, cleaning out the crap and breaking your life down to only the necessary items help you focus and not become too nostalgic. You simply can't - not enough room.

I remember some quote I heard, that the only physical items you should own and hold on to should be either "beautiful, or functional." If it's neither, toss it. I think Frank Lloyd Wright said that. I can't remember.

So kick those boxes around, and just keep reminding yourself that it may take a few weeks, but eventually everything will come together.

Get a bottle of Rum or Vodka. A pizza. Maybe some beer. Your favorite movie on DVD. Burn some candles. And just chiillllllll for a while. You'll feel much better.

[Jimmy Johnson]

Does crying you a river mean in one sitting or the culmination of many years of crying? If the average human body is composed of 70% water, given my slight build that would equate to 45 litres of water per day. To cry something as large as the missisippi would be a physital impossibility given the short length of the human life span.

I am well aware that the human mouth produces 1 litre (1.8 pints) of saliva a day. If I expel this to a bucket along with the tears would this count. My docter says however that this will mean that I may die within 4-6 weeks which is clearly not enough time to cry a river.

There is one other solution. If I was to somehow attain the elixir of eternal life I could possible have a river for you by the year 3062 (roughly) but I assume that at that stage you will be dead unless you are some kind of voodoo priestess. Are you?

[Jimmy Johnson]

Does crying you a river mean in one sitting or the culmination of many years of crying? If the average human body is composed of 70% water, given my slight build that would equate to 45 litres of water per day. To cry something as large as the missisippi would be a physital impossibility given the short length of the human life span.

I am well aware that the human mouth produces 1 litre (1.8 pints) of saliva a day. If I expel this to a bucket along with the tears would this count. My docter says however that this will mean that I may die within 4-6 weeks which is clearly not enough time to cry a river.

There is one other solution. If I was to somehow attain the elixir of eternal life I could possible have a river for you by the year 3062 (roughly) but I assume that at that stage you will be dead unless you are some kind of voodoo priestess. Are you?

[Mihow]

Moving is one of the worst events anyone has to go through, second to losing a couch.

I just moved into a new place. I don't have a couch yet. I have a nice loft with a view of the Manhattan skyline, but nothing to sit on to enjoy it. If I had a couch and then I "lost" it, it might just send me over the edge.

I feel for you, I really do.

[Ed]

All the Dude wanted was his couch back.

[beth]

be very happy that your couch will be resting at a good home. i had a couch that was not terribly comfortable, yet completely cute due to an awesome re-upolstering by my dad (he used this retro-looking car seat material). in any case, it didn't make it in my last move and i ended up giving it away to this woman in my neighborhood. when we delivered it, there were 3 screaming children running around the house like maniacs and now all i can envision is my poor couch being climbed all over and drooled on. sniffle...

[Christine]

I wouldn't say I'm really afraid of flying, but I often act like I am, so I'll share an embarrasing story... When I was 14, my family took a trip from NY to Florida, and on the way back we experienced some extreme turbulence, which is stressful for someone who is tense even on the smoothest of flights. So I put on my headphones, turned my music all the way up to drown out the turbulence, closed my eyes and clutched the armrests until my knuckles were white. After a while, the plane suddenly shook and there was a big BOOM!! For some reason I had visions of meteors hitting the plane (I didn't quite know how to visualize turbulence then) and I screamed. LOUDLY. Then my mother rips my headphones off, and I open my eyes, realizing I'm still alive. Turns out that the bump was just the plane landing. I had missed the announcement since my music was so loud, and since my eyes were closed, my mother thought I was asleep. I got a lot of weird looks getting off the plane.

[Pat]

Hey I'm still looking for my first couch. And when I find it I will hold it, and hug it, and squeze it, and love it and never let it go. But if it doesn't match the carpet to the curb it goes.