Do not try this at home.

I wouldn't actually say I'm a pyromaniac but, frankly, I like to melt things.

This realization was sparked while I sat in front of our oven (or rather, fire pit) while it was self-cleaning.

For those of you not in the domestic know, self-cleaning ovens clean by incinerating grime and grease at temperatures reaching 1,000 degrees.

Now, I may like to see things melt, but I certainly don't like seeing houses catch on fire. So, I made sure that there were no loose papers or dish clothes around the vicinity of the oven while it cleaned.

That's how an adult thinks.

A child on the other hand would probably want to see just how long it actually takes before something catches on fire.

All in the name of curiosity, I say.

Curiosity inspires children to do near-evil things.

For example, when I was eight or nine, my dad received a package in the mail containing floppy disks -- the 5 1/4 size ones. On the package, there was a warning that said:

"KEEP AWAY FROM MAGNETS!"

Guess how long it took me to get my magnets from my science kit?

I was curious. I wanted answers.

Would they explode?

Would they melt?

Would they actually stop working?

Now, try to imagine the look of defeat and disappointment on my face when -- after rubbing a super-magnet along the stiff manila envelope -- nothing happened.

But back to the oven and my love of melting.

Like most children, I never played with my toys in exactly the correct manner prescribed by the manufacturers. I'm talking about more subtle variations of play -- I didn't, for example, play catch with my hula hoop.

(I did make a hoop skirt with it, but that's another story)

Many of my playtime variations involved heat or fire. Most of the time, art entered the mix.

Two examples which immediately pop into my mind involve my Lite Brite and, on sick days, my vaporizer.

I loved my Lite Brite and played with it in a parental-acceptable manner for many many years. But, sometimes when my family wasn't around, I would exploit the toy's light bulb for its powers to melt.

I would place the little plastic colored Lite Brite pegs on the surface of the light bulb and when they were hot enough, I would stretch them out and shape them into little animals and figures.

Perhaps I missed my calling as a glass blower.

The vaporizer was used in a similar manner. I would use the steam to melt little piles of crayon shavings. The purpose? To melt little piles of crayon shavings.

Of course, children usually overestimate their ability to carry off their plans or activities on the sly. When they get caught for using their imagination (along with fire, heat or steam), they are scolded for their stupidity or for the damage they caused/might have caused.

But really, they're just learning about cause and effect and it's part of the development process.

Yeah, tell me that when I have my own kids and I catch one of them trying to put a fork in a electrical socket.

Comments

[Ben]

Once at school I melted a crayon on the radiator. I thought I was really cool, until the crayon wax started dripping all over my hands--which I then rubbed on my sweatshirt, staining it. Pink crayon stains on a sweatshirt do not a cool person make.

[PJ]

"I would use the steam to melt little piles of crayon shavings. The purpose? To melt little piles of crayon shavings."

Funniest line I have read all week. thanks. By the way, me too.

[Joe]

I'm not proud of this but here goes. As a child I was perhaps a little too fascinated by fire also. Melting things was cool sure, but full on flames always took first prize. I had a large supply of plastic army men and all the plastic army men accessories. I had the 36" high plastic 'Guns of Navarone' fort and all. I would stage elaborate battle scenes. Axis vs. Allies. I would strategically place Sherman tanks on one side and wily german snipers on the other. Then I would fetch the container of lawn mower fuel from the garage and randomly douse my military positions. From the house I would grab a packet of matches and then hold them in one hand and with the opposite thumb I would press down on the match head against the strike and flick the matches so they would ignite and fly through the air toward my unsuspecting (albeit unanimated) plastic soldeirs. Which would burst into flame and melt. It was AWESOME. Then my 36" high 'Guns of Navarone' my grandparents gave me for my birthday, which probably cost a lot of money, caught fire and melted into a blob of mostly grey plastic.

I wonder if Ebay has a 36" high 'Guns of Navarone'...

[Eamon]

Three of my favorite pyrotechnic memories:

a) Taking the lampshade off my lamp, loading a squirt gun with ice-cold water, and firing at the bulb. Extraordinarily satisfying.

b) Until a Vietnam vet moved into our neighborhood, decent fireworks were somewhat hard to come by. Dad's solution? Powder from shotgun shells and the plastic containers you find in the 25-cent-toy vending machines.

c) I was a big model rocketry buff as a kid, and convinced my seventh grade teacher that we should have a model rocketry club. At the club's first meeting, I ran out of recovery wadding and stuffed my rocket with Kleenex instead. It caught fire, setting the field behind the school ablaze. We didn't have a second club meeting.

[Cecily]

Oh my god, Mena. I thought I was the only one.

[kismet]

I specifically remember one time when a cereal box came with a small, palm-sized glow in the dark frisbee. I was throwing it around in the backyard one night, when it ran out of charge (you know, you always had to hold those things under the light for awhile to make them work). Being that I was lazy (always have been :s), I took the lampshade off the lamp, and set the frisbee-thing directly on the bulb, thinking it would charge itself up really well. Came back a couple minutes later... melty, glowing, smelly light bulb. Oops.

[resonance]

I'll chime in with another apocalyptic lamp story: when I was 6 or 7 my brother and I decided that Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader, Greedo, and Han Solo were to meet their end in a big nuclear explosion (in addition to being a pyro, I was a fascinated with nuclear war). So we piled our action figures on top of each other and brought down the architect's lamp (you know, the one that clamps onto the desk and articulates like...like...the new iMac) and came back about three hours later.

Our little experiment resulted in a little-known, grotesque Star Wars character that I've since christened "Luther Greelo"--had about six [discernable] arm-leg type things and a couple of faces folded into various torsos. My mom has since thrown Mr. Greelo out, unfortunately, and I haven't had the time, the budget, or the inclination to repeat the experiment.

[Sid Chism]

I know exactly what your talking about. I too have done foolish cause and effect experiments that I would never let my kids try. As a parent I can only hope to remember my own childhood as my kids are caught during and after their experiments.

[Andrew]

Once my sister and I took a big-ass magnet and wiped it all over the TV screen. Check out the cool colors! Like oil! And, hey, they stay there when the magnet's gone! For...hours. We actually called a TV repair shop and tried to casually ask what it might cost to fix (I was probably 10 years old), and could they come and get it and bring it back in a little while?

We were scared that Mom would find out, but it turned out that the TV sort of fixed itself eventually.

[leandra]

When I was younger I had a variety of She-Ra figurines...my favorite, Castaspella, was a yellow and orange sorceress and I figured it would be appropriate for her to live in my lamp. You can imagine the rest. :)

[Sara]

A series of worsening fire offenses:

My mom walked in on me, age 7, sitting on the living room floor, lighting matches and dropping them to see if the speed of the fall would blow out the mini-fire. I was grounded for about 2 weeks for that stunt.

A few years later, during a long winter, I decided to play "stranded" outside in the snow... I gathered all the leaves and twigs I could find to start a fire and keep warm by it. I thought I was so stealthy, because I couldn't be seen from the back door. But, I was seen from the driveway and from the LARGE living room window. I successfully lit a bush on fire.

Another two weeks grounding.

Then, as a pre-teen, my best friend and I decided to have an end of the school year bonfire with all our old papers. We thoroughly doused the pile with fuel (because, who would've thought paper could burn on it's own... with fuel it's a FAST fire!). Our fuel of choice was Gasoline. I bent down to light it and my best friend decided at the last minute to do the same... she got there a second before I did and there was a giant fireball in my face. I lost the eyelashes off of one eye, the hair off of one arm and significantly singed an eyebrow.

Thank God I didn't have to return to school the next day to have an entire junior high laugh at me, instead, I suffered a summer of taunts from my family. I learned my lesson.

Fire=bad

[liz]

I don't know if you've seen this yet, but good luck trying to burn the little plastic pieces ;)

http://www.sfpg.com/animation/litebrite.html#

[matt]

Crayons on radiators! I did that, and forgot about them on numerous occasions.

I had a good one where you put a few plastic bags on the end of a stick and then hold them over a bonfire. Eventually you get a lot of burning melting plastic on the end of your stick which you can then swing around your head like a maniac sending hot little fire gobbets all over your friends. Oh, what fun we had.

[wonder grrrl]

Who needs fire? I live in Texas. As kids we had our fun with solar rays, magnifying glasses, and ants (among other victims). Yes, it hurts very much when you aim the solar ray at your arm.

Never leave anything in a closed car during a Texas summer. Twenty minutes tops and you have an apocalypse on your hands. Bananas turn an unholy color very fast. The bottoms of Wendy's Biggie drinks somehow melt away. Pens leak. And talk about burning flesh with those seatbelts!

[Robert]

You can imagine what a twelve-pack of Coca-Cola did to the back of my car after being left for a few hours in a Texas summer!

[Ava South]

Did you ever make the pretty disks by putting crayon shavings into a clear plastic pill bottle?
My kids and did this together. " Don't try this at home! " Remember that warning?.
First you put the shavings in the containers, put on a cookie sheet, and put in a hot over, I guess about 400 degrees. We watched through the glass door till the things melted into disks, and then took them out and quickly punched a hole in each one for hanging. Presto! Suncatcher!

[Daniel Talsky]

We did the plastic bag thing too, but we didn't swing it around. We'd wrap a plastic garbage bad onto the end of a stick and get it good and burning. Then we'd just hold it over the fire as the hot melting gloops of plastic would fall and make a fantastic little comet sound: zhoooop zhoooop zhoooop. I'l have to try that swinging thing though. That sounds really dangerous.

[Rita]

I'm suddenly reminded of news reporters standing in front of smoking burnt-out family homes and commenting on "no one knows what set this family of 5 suburban home ablaze..."

Yeah, fire it is amazing how all intelligence goes out the window as your primal self is being mesmerized by the glow!

[Brian Bommarito]

You know, this is the problem with the younger generation. I remember growing up, and playing with fire, and learning that it hurts when it touches your skin. We learned not to do things by doing them. Now, everyone is going overboard with child safety, so how are they going to learn that fire is hot, and hurts?:)

[Jessica]

Oh my goodness. I thought i was the only one!!!! I had a 'short' pyro phase growing up, but that was not okay by my parents. (I got caught playing with matches one rainy saturday afternoon when mom came home from work early--I learned real quick that was NOT cool!) However, I could get away with melting things... I used to love wax of any kind... I had a metal desk lamp that got freakishly hot and I could put small containers on it with wax and melt them and make great shapes with them.... I always liked the way it molded to anything I put it in... Thanks for the nostalgia!

[Jon]

I used to have fun playing with model rockets. After a while of watching them go up then come down, I began to imagine what more exitement could be gained by launching these rockets. I took it to a freinds house and we filled the parachute chamber with Black powder for hunting rifles. When we launched it it must have been too top heavy and just started flying in loops about 5 feet off the ground and then landed in some tall weeds and then exploded causing a miniature mushroom cloud and a BIG grass fire that my freind and I barely stomped out. We could have been seriousely hurt by it now when I think about it but it was sooo cool then.